This may be shocking coming from a pastor, but do yourself a favor and stop trying to have a relationship with Jesus.
You may think I’m just using reverse psychology, or I’m just trying to be clever or attempting to use dramatic effect. But I write this with all the genuineness I can muster.
This is because there’s a mentality today, shared by many, that the way we’re saved is by having a relationship with Jesus – a message that is perceived as being a replacement for the discouraging “saved by what we do” mentality.
We thus hear a lot of messages about the importance of reading and studying our Bibles, and prioritizing our prayer life. We are frequently challenged to wake up earlier each morning so we can have this communion with God.
But we need to stop.
Such a message is not the answer – and, in fact, it just keeps us in the cycle of salvation by works.
This is because it doesn’t take very long for a person who has rejected the “it’s not what you do that matters, it’s Who you know” mentality to figure out that having a relationship is still something you have to do. We’ve traded one insurmountable task for another. Maintaining and keeping up with a devotional life can get tiring. Trying to remain faithful to my commitment to read my Bible or pray or have personal devotions is taxing. And I thus find myself just as – if not more – despondent about the Christian walk as I did before when I thought it was about what I do.
After all, I soon to discover that “salvation by relationship” is still about something I do. We’ve just traded one set of tasks for another.
The Gospel is not about what I do to have a relationship with Jesus. Indeed, the Gospel is not about anything I do at all. The Gospel focuses on what Christ did and does and will do. The Gospel focuses on Christ’s actions, not mine. My actions are simply a response to His.
So what’s the answer? The answer is faith, not a different type of work – which has the appearance of being more Christ-centered. Salvation and righteousness are by faith, not by having a relationship. My “job” is to believe that Christ is seeking and pursuing a relationship with me, not to try to have a relationship with Him. I simply respond to His overtures – and any desire I sense within me to have a relationship with Him is simply evidence of the fact that His grace is already working on my heart (an idea that some theologians call “prevenient grace”).
Notice the powerful promises that characterize the “New Covenant” as announced in Jeremiah: “This is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. . . For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more” (Jeremiah 31:33-24).
Notice the pronoun that is repeatedly employed: “I.” And who is the “I”? God. And He says, “I will . . . I will . . . I will . . . I will . . . ”
When it comes to our relation to Him, it’s all about what He’s doing, what He’s promised – not what we’re doing. In our sinful, depraved, and helpless state, we are incapable of even wanting to have a relationship with Him anyway. We need His grace to “quicken” us, thus empowering us to both want to commune with Him, and the strength to achieve it.
But here’s the neat part: the section I originally skipped in this passage is every bit as powerful a part of the New Covenant as the rest. God promises that when He does all this, “No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them.'” When God fulfills His New Covenant promises in our lives, we won’t have to go around telling people that they need to have a relationship with Him – we won’t have to tell people that they have to “know Him” – because they will already know Him.
Thus, no more sermons on the importance of having a devotional life. No more lectures about the need to prioritize Bible study. No more messages saying that we need to pray more. No more need to remind people ad nauseum that it’s “all about having a personal relationship with Jesus.” All these will come naturally as we encounter the beautiful and powerful realities of the Gospel.
And the bigger problem we will face is having people turn into Marys, who had a hard time being pulled away from Jesus’ feet.
A few thoughts from Ellen White that must not be missed. “In the parable of the lost sheep,” she writes in Christ’s Object Lessons, “Christ teaches that salvation does not come through our seeking after God but through God’s seeking after us” (p. 189). Elsewhere, in Steps to Christ, she declares, “The sinner may resist this love, may refuse to be drawn to Christ; but if he does not resist he will be drawn to Jesus” (p. 27).
These are beautiful thoughts! It is Christ who is working, Christ who is seeking, Christ who is pursuing us in relationship. He is drawing us to Himself in love – just as He promised He would in John 12:32. Our job is not to somehow figure out how to muster up enough willpower to read our Bibles for 20 minutes each morning. Our “job” is to rejoice in and believe the glorious truth that Christ is seeking us and drawing us to Himself. Indeed, righteousness is by faith, not by reading our Bibles.
Reading my Bible, having a relationship with Him, is thus not something I do in order to have a relationship with Him. It’s simply a response of faith to His drawing power and love. To paraphrase Paul, living by faith – rather than “salvation by devotions” – doesn’t make void this relationship; rather, it establishes it. In fact, it’s the only thing that will ever achieve a lasting “relationship” with Christ – which may seem counterintuitive to some.
Indeed, the more we make “having a personal relationship with Jesus” our battle cry, the less likely it will occur – at least in a sustained way. Whereas the more we simply lift up a loving and powerful and beautiful and irresistible picture of Jesus, the more likely it is that that “personal relationship” will naturally occur, without even having to compel people to do it. The source of our power derives from what Christ has done, not what we try to convince others to do.
I don’t know about you, but understanding this subtle – yet critically important – distinction is huge – and makes all the difference in the world. It provides a “motive power,” as Ellen White calls it, instilling within me a craving to spend time with Christ – rather than viewing a “personal relationship” with Him as something I have to do, like it or not, if I want to maintain my Christianity.
Indeed, it shifts my devotional life from being an exercise in “force feeding” myself, to joyfully “tasting” and “seeing” that the “Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8).
New England Pastor 
nancy foote said:
Oh man! Amen! Every word just makes me so glad that He took (and continues to take) the initiative. I love all the “I” statements. He gives Himself and then He does something miraculous each and every day. So look forward to these posts.
John Sheffield said:
Thanks Shawn. Went to a church a while back. The first power point slide was:
How to learn to trust in God.
1. Have a daily relationship with Him.
In my mind I recalled in the early 90’s reading a book called the 95 Thesis by M.V. So I started on my journey of trying, ever so trying to read the Bible, Pray, and witness. Wow, talking about a complete and utter failure. The more I tried, the more exasperated I became. Until, providentially (the Lord), brought me to a verse that I started claiming by faith: “The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him, And He will show them His covenant” (Ps. 25:14).
Within weeks, as I started reading Jack. S. material, the light switch came on like a mighty sweeping flood of warm sunlight. “The just shall live by faith in Christ alone!” When the gospel of Jesus Christ wins our hearts-mind, relationship with Jesus simply is the fruit, no more trying to “win” God’s favor by what we “do.” The Man of Calvary becomes all and all. There is POWER in the message of the CROSS. There really is!
blessings in Jesus,
John
oceallaigh4815 said:
I have paralleled Ezekiel 36:21-27 and Ephesians 2:1-10 for several years. Same principle: I will. I will, I will. But is add another dimension. It adds the why. It’s evident in verse 7 of Ephesians 2. So that in the ages to come….! What a future we have!
Jay L Neil said:
While I agree that “have a relationship” has become too easy to repeat and think one has found it. But a “good relationship” with Jesus is always a response to His initiative and like any great friendship grows in trust, passion and devotion with time spent listening and talking freely, joyfully and sometimes painfully. That for me comes from “unclocked” hours in the Living Word and Vibrant prayer, plus corporate worship and praise. Let it sink in and become personal and you don’t watch the clock.
JNSD said:
I read this article and felt compelled to write. I would not say that I “disagree” with what you said, but that there is much more to some of the points that were made.
I grew up going to church every Saturday, being told what to do to be saved. I spent most of my adult life denying God’s involvement in it and questioning the attraction in being saved. I was a smart young man, I began my career, got married, had children, had most of the material things I wanted and one day looked around and said, “Ok, God… this is what I can do… What can you do for me? …. ”
Well, guess what? He answered me. My business spiraled out of control, my marriage crashed and burned, my lifestyle went out the window, drugs, alcohol, I couldn’t handle losing everything, and I ended doing something that put me in jail for a year and a half.
I never blamed God for anything, shoot, I had taken credit for getting everything, why blame him for losing it?
I found myself in jail, alone, without a single possession, without freedom. I prayed for God to end my life. Day after day, night after night. He didn’t do that. He put in my hands a bible, a book by a famous pastor/author from Maine (wink wink). God started a relationship with me. I had no distractions in jail. I believe God was sitting there with me, sharing His time, sharing His wisdom, and most of all sharing His love.
I would not want to live a day without a relationship with God. Communing with God, is not a “work” that I “do”. The relationship is not a thing that I “Try” to have. As a matter of fact, a relationship,is not something you do… it is something that you participate in. You freely give your time in a relationship for mutual benefit… and as God would say, “It is good.”
To equate studying to a relationship is like saying you have a relationship with George Washington after an American History class. No, God talks through his Word… personally… but only when you’re participating in the relationship.
I understand the sentiment of all that you are saying… and if your definition is of a “relationship” is what one is experiencing, perhaps it’s not a relationship.
Stein Halvorsen said:
Hey JNSD,
Thank you for this comment. Great thoughts. Glad to read your story. Stay in the flow of His love – by His love. 🙂
In Christ,
Stein
Greg Leavitt said:
Thank you for sharing these insights.
2 Cor. 4:3,4.
DJ said:
Thanks for sharing your story JNSD. I also agree with the comment by JNSD. I understand the author’s intentions when writing this article, but defining trying having a relationship with Jesus as works is not true to the intention of many people, and may cause some people to “think I’m just using reverse psychology, or I’m just trying to be clever or attempting to use dramatic effect.” The point is that true ‘relationship’ in its truest sense is not established merely by dutifully calling a friend every day at a certain time, but by the love and TRUST (I.e. faith… in Bible terms) for your friend. But other than this literary sophistry, I very much agree with the article, and the issues commonly faced by devotion-based . Thank you
cheryl deuel said:
interesting article…I find the idea of “having faith” and “responding to His overtures” just as works based as having my devotions or studying my Bible…somehow I am missing the point how it is different.
newenglandpastor said:
Not me, Cheryl! The analogy I might use is this: think of your favorite thing to eat. Think of the smell of it wafting from the kitchen. Would you think it is “works based” to eat it? Would you have to force yourself to do it? I doubt it. You would find the aroma nearly irresistible.
This is what happens when we “respond to Christ’s overtures” and to “have faith.” We’re simply responding to the amazing aroma of Christ’s love and grace. And we thus find spending time with Christ – in His word and in prayer – something that we can’t wait to do. We want to taste all that goodness more and more and more.
JNSD said:
Well said!
Val said:
That is a beautiful illustration. I’ll have to remember it, because it’s effective!
cheryl deuel said:
oh you’re right Shawn! I stopped doing my devotions and prayers and life is so much better!
Joshua O'Donnell said:
I realize that I’m a bit late to comment here, but after reading your post and the long list of comments to it on Facebook, I found one particular word and idea that you mentioned in the post and a number of times in your comments that you might want to rethink. “Naturally”. There is only one thing we do naturally, sin. It’s probably a bad choice of words on your part to say things like:
“All these will come naturally as we encounter the beautiful and powerful realities of the Gospel.”
Don’t you mean they will come spiritually? The Bible and SOP consistently use the word “natural” or “naturally” in the typical way you’d expect, as in the “natural man” which is not going to naturally do anything good. I don’t think devotions, study, witnessing, etc. will ever come “natural” since it is a fruit of the Spirit, not nature. Paul does not say that after seeing the love of Christ then he “naturally” gave up lust. He said he wouldn’t even know lust was a sin except the law says “Thou shalt not covet”. Knowing that still didn’t give him any power over that sin, but it was necessary to know that in order to sense his need.
I think here you have provided a false dilemma, that urging a relationship is not leading sinners to a relationship, therefore we should not urge a relationship. Isn’t that the same as saying “we can’t keep the commandments, therefore we should not teach the commandments”? Failing in our attempts at a relationship with Christ is vital to revealing our helpless condition. I wouldn’t want to deprive anyone of feeling helpless. How else will they know their need?
newenglandpastor said:
Joshua,
Thanks for the reflections. I understand what you’re saying about the “natural” state of man. However, Ellen White frequently uses the word “naturally” in a positive sense – as that which results from the soul that has encountered the love and grace of Christ.
Notice, for example, this one: “There is need of constant watchfulness and of earnest, loving devotion, but these will come naturally when the soul is kept by the power of God through faith” (FW 38).
So when a person responds by faith to God’s initiative, having a devotional life (“earnest, loving devotion”) is something that is very “natural.”
I also hear what you’re saying about the importance of people encountering their helplessness – and I agree! The challenge is that after people have experienced that helplessness, we very rarely present them with the faith-approach to the devotional life as the liberating alternative.
Joshua O'Donnell said:
Thanks for that SOP quote from FW. With all the hundreds of hits on “natural” and “naturally”, I didn’t make it far enough to see that reference, so again, much appreciation. Now I see more clearly my objection to your usage, I can put my finger on it now. Here in that quote from FW, she gives the mechanism by which it will “come naturally”, that is, “by the power of God through faith”.
You said: ” when a person responds by faith to God’s initiative, having a devotional life. . . is very “natural.” I agree but responding by faith would in itself require the power of God in us, so yes, then it could be natural, but that begs the first premise, how to we have the power of God in us in order to have the ability to respond by faith?
I imagine that this is what you address by saying that the devotional life (and other things) come naturally as a result of “encounter[ing] the beautiful and powerful realities of the Gospel” and “encounter[ing] the love and grace of Christ”. Presumably Satan and his angel’s had an encounter with the love and grace of Christ, yet the power of God is not in them. So I’m not convinced that such an encounter would always result in the power of God in us. I’m not trying to split hairs, but I’m trying like everyone to understand how it is that we live this beautiful life where we naturally do the things we know we should do based on what you are saying.
Again: “So what’s the answer? The answer is faith, not a different type of work – which has the appearance of being more Christ-centered. Salvation and righteousness are by faith, not by having a relationship.”
Doesn’t the scripture say “Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God”? To my mind this means that faith is built by a regularity with the word that some might call devotions. We both know this faith can only come by the power of God in us. We can’t produce this faith ourselves. So God draws us to Himself so that we listen to His word in the first place, then He gives us faith to believe it, and then He gives us His power to obey Him and He produces His own righteousness in us so that in the judgment He will judge us on His righteousness. I think we are agreed so far. But you are saying that the answer (to having this beautiful life of naturally doing the things we should do) is faith. However we both agree you can only have faith through the power of God in you in the first place. If you have faith already, then we agree you will be already “naturally” doing what you should, so we don’t even need to ask that question. It’s like saying the answer to getting into the Super Bowl is to have tickets. Yes, but doesn’t everyone know that? The question is how to get tickets? And the answer to my mind is that you have to ask and like Jacob wrestling, you don’t take “no” for an answer.
My question for you is how does a Christian who has enough faith to believe then get enough faith to respond? This is what so many excruciating testimonies are about, but it doesn’t give anyone that I know a shortcut to getting there. We can’t remain foolish and expect to get oil from a wise virgin.
newenglandpastor said:
Thanks, Joshua. I appreciate the perceptive questions. What you’ve asked is kind of one of the main issues I’m trying to address. That is, “How does a person acquire the faith that produces a natural desire to read the Bible and pray?”
That, again, is one of the main reasons I have written this! You have rightfully quoted Romans 10 and pointed out how “faith comes by hearing.” But here’s my point. Paul asks the question, “How will they hear unless there is a preacher?” (Romans 10:15).
And my thesis is that if we, as preachers, were lifting up the powerful and beautiful and amazing and attractive love of God; if we were lifting up the “most precious message” that caused Ellen White’s heart to say “Amen,” then this would excite within the hearer a desire to “naturally” go home and read their Bibles. They would, like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, say, “Did not our hearts burn within us?” and “naturally” want to spend time with Jesus because they would want to further encounter the love they heard from the preacher (or writer, if they’re reading a book or a blog).
Instead, we give them dry lectures on how they should prioritize the devotional life. This isn’t going to do it, though!
I think, somewhere along the way, I shared this quote that brings out this idea. But let me share it again. It is especially relevant for us preachers: “In Christ is the tenderness of the shepherd, the affection of the parent, and the matchless grace of the compassionate Saviour. His blessings He presents in the most alluring terms. He is not content merely to announce these blessings; He presents them in the most attractive way, to excite a desire to possess them. So His servants are to present the riches of the glory of the unspeakable Gift. The wonderful love of Christ will melt and subdue hearts, when the mere reiteration of doctrines would accomplish nothing” (DA 826).
This, again, is one of my main points! If we present the “matchless charms of Christ” in the most “alluring term,” this will excite within the hearts of our listeners a “desire to possess” Christ and His blessings.
But when we preach a weak, unattractive gospel, then we are forced to present Bible-reading and prayer as something that is a duty, that we have to “prioritize,” and so forth.
Of course, just because we lift up the “matchless charms of Christ,” it doesn’t mean that the listener will automatically read their Bible. They can resist! Indeed, “The sinner may resist this love, may refuse to be drawn to Christ; but if he does not resist he will be drawn to Jesus” (SC 27). But at least if such happens, the person is resisting Jesus’ “love,” rather than some dry and stale parody of Christianity. And it’s only as the true and powerful and compelling love of Jesus is encountered that a person is sealed in their decision either for or against Christ. But until that happens, time will continue ad infinitum, since such people are not rejecting Christ, but a parody of Christ.
Does this make sense?
Remember, Ellen White said that this “most precious message” is that which was to go to the world. It would lighten the whole earth with God’s glory. And that message forces every person to make a decision about the unadulterated love of Jesus – whether they are going to resist that love, and thus be sealed in rebellion, or allow Christ to draw them. When we aren’t preaching that message, though, the delay continues!
So let’s preach the “matchless charms of Christ,” so we can wrap this whole thing up!
Marion Cheek said:
I read JNSD & agreed with what he said (I didn’t read every comment). I want to add to that comment by saying that 30 years ago I didn’t want to study my Bible early in morning, but a godly man said get up around 5:30a.m., study & pray.
After a while in struggling through that & randomly choosing Bible text, I found myself being drawn ever closer to God. I saw that He was talking with me & even choosing my scriptures for me. I started to get up earlier & earlier. At First 5, then 4, then 3, then 2a.m. Wow – I couldn’t get enough!
I’ve been doing that for nearly 30 years & NEVER systematically have read my Bible through & through – yet, I believe I have a better grasp of Bible truths & who Jesus is as a result!
However, here recently, I’ve been cutting back on how early I get up. I really miss spending all that time with God, but I’ve been slowing down physically.
I need prayers. I’ve gotten discouraged. I was revived a bit by reading your Post on Investigative Judgment. Yet, I’ve been having some issues lately.
Thanks for your encouraging Posts. Please pray for me & my family. God bless you.